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Exploring Attachment Styles in Individual Relationship Therapy

Attachment theory offers profound insights into the way we navigate relationships, shaping how we form emotional connections and handle intimacy. Developed by psychologist John Bowlby, attachment theory suggests that our attachment patterns, developed early in life with our primary caregivers, influence how we behave in adult relationships.

Understanding these attachment styles can help individuals foster secure relationships, enhance emotional intimacy, and improve their overall connection with others.

In this blog, we’ll explore the different attachment styles, how they manifest in intimate relationships, and strategies for creating a secure bond through individual relationship therapy.

 

The Foundation of Attachment Theory

Attachment theory categorizes how individuals bond with others based on their early experiences with primary caregivers. These interactions form the foundation of how we perceive trust, security, and love in relationships later in life.

The four main attachment styles include:

1. Secure Attachment

2. Anxious Preoccupied Attachment

3. Avoidant Attachment (also known as Anxious Avoidant)

4. Disorganized Attachment (sometimes called Fearful Avoidant)

1. Secure Attachment Style

Individuals with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with emotional intimacy, trust, and vulnerability in relationships. This attachment pattern often stems from early experiences where caregivers were responsive, nurturing, and reliable.

· How it manifests in adult relationships: Those with secure attachment communicate openly, rely on their partner for support, and maintain a healthy balance of independence and connection.

· Therapeutic goal: For those with insecure patterns, therapy focuses on creating a secure attachment by fostering self-awareness and healthy relationship habits.

2. Anxious Preoccupied Attachment

The anxious preoccupied attachment style is characterized by a fear of abandonment and a strong need for reassurance. This often develops when caregivers were inconsistent in meeting a child’s emotional needs.

· How it manifests in adult relationships: Individuals may struggle with clinginess, over-dependence, or excessive worry about their partner’s feelings. They seek constant validation to feel secure.

· Coping strategies in therapy: Therapists help clients build self-esteem, develop emotional regulation skills, and practice self-soothing techniques to reduce anxiety in relationships.

3. Avoidant Attachment (Anxious Avoidant)

Those with an avoidant attachment style tend to suppress their emotions and avoid closeness in relationships. This style often arises when primary caregivers were emotionally distant or unresponsive.

· How it manifests in adult relationships: Avoidant individuals may struggle with emotional intimacy, prioritize independence over connection, and feel uncomfortable relying on others.

· Coping strategies in therapy: Therapy encourages individuals to explore vulnerability, challenge negative beliefs about intimacy, and gradually build trust with their partners.

4. Disorganized Attachment (Fearful Avoidant)

The disorganized attachment style combines elements of both anxious and avoidant patterns. It often results from early trauma, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving, leading to conflicting desires for closeness and fear of intimacy.

· How it manifests in adult relationships: Individuals may feel torn between wanting connection and fearing it. This can lead to unpredictable behavior, difficulty trusting others, and emotional turmoil.

· Therapeutic focus: Therapy addresses unresolved trauma, builds emotional safety, and promotes healthier attachment behaviors.

The Role of Individual Relationship Therapy

Individual therapy is a powerful tool for exploring attachment patterns and understanding how they influence intimate relationships. A trained therapist can help clients identify

their attachment style, unpack its origins, and develop coping strategies to foster healthier connections.

Key goals of therapy include:

1. Recognizing Patterns: Understanding how insecure attachment styles, such as anxious attachment or avoidant attachment, manifest in relationships.

2. Healing Early Wounds: Addressing unresolved pain from childhood interactions with primary caregivers.

3. Building Self-Awareness: Identifying triggers and learning how to respond to them in a constructive way.

4. Creating Secure Relationships: Developing habits that promote trust, vulnerability, and mutual respect.

How Attachment Styles Affect Emotional Intimacy

Insecure attachment styles can create barriers to emotional intimacy and fulfilling relationships. Here’s how each style impacts connection:

· Anxious Preoccupied: May overwhelm partners with their need for reassurance, which can strain relationships.

· Avoidant Attachment: May distance themselves emotionally, making it difficult for their partner to feel valued or connected.

· Disorganized Attachment: May create instability by alternating between closeness and withdrawal, leaving both partners feeling uncertain.

Therapy focuses on helping individuals shift toward a secure attachment style, enabling them to form deeper, more meaningful bonds.

Practical Tips for Developing Secure Relationships

1. Self-Reflection: Take time to explore your attachment style and identify patterns in your relationships. Journaling or discussing these patterns with a therapist can be particularly helpful.

2. Communication: Openly share your feelings and needs with your partner. Practice using “I” statements to express emotions without blame.

3. Embrace Vulnerability: Gradually challenge your fears around closeness and intimacy. Start small, such as holding hands or sharing a personal story, and build from there.

4. Practice Mindfulness: Learn to manage emotional triggers by practicing mindfulness, meditation, or other grounding techniques.

5. Seek Support: If attachment challenges feel overwhelming, working with a therapist who specializes in couples therapy or attachment-based therapy can provide valuable guidance.

Attachment Styles and Couples Therapy

For couples, understanding each other’s attachment style can transform how they approach conflicts and intimacy. Couples therapy provides a structured environment to explore these dynamics, improve communication, and strengthen the relationship.

· Example Scenario: One partner with an anxious attachment style may feel neglected when the other, with an avoidant attachment style, seeks space. Therapy helps bridge this gap by fostering understanding and compromise.

Conclusion: Building Secure Relationships

Exploring attachment styles in therapy is an empowering journey toward greater self-awareness and healthier relationships. Whether you struggle with anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or disorganized attachment, therapy offers the tools to heal past wounds and develop secure relationships built on trust and emotional intimacy.

At the Relationship Therapy Center, our experienced therapists specialize in helping individuals and couples navigate the complexities of attachment styles. If you’re ready to transform your relationships and create a secure, fulfilling connection, we’re here to help. Visit Relationship Therapy Center to schedule a session and take the first step toward understanding your attachment style and improving your relationships.

Navigating New Year’s Resolutions as a Couple: Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

The start of a new year brings fresh opportunities to strengthen your bond, deepen your connection, and create meaningful goals as a couple. Setting resolutions for couples isn’t just about ticking off boxes—it’s about enhancing the quality of your relationship and building a future together. Whether you’re aiming for more quality time, improving communication, or nurturing your bond through shared experiences, these relationship resolutions can help pave the way to a more fulfilling partnership.

Here’s how to tackle New Year’s resolutions as a team and make your couple’s goals stick.

1. Start with a Shared Vision

Every successful resolution begins with clarity. Sit down together and discuss your aspirations, both individually and as a couple. Consider these questions:

· What would make us feel closer?

· Are there areas we’d like to improve in our relationship?

· How can we prioritize our relationship while balancing long-term personal goals?

This step ensures that your goals align and reflect what you both value most.

2. Set Meaningful Relationship Resolutions

When creating resolution ideas, focus on objectives that strengthen your connection. Here are some examples:

· Spend Time Together Intentionally Make it a priority to schedule regular date nights. Whether it’s a cozy dinner at home, a movie night, or an adventurous outing, spending uninterrupted time together fosters connection.

· Improve Your Relationship Through Communication Commit to honest and open dialogue. Consider setting aside time each week for a “check-in” to discuss your feelings, challenges, and victories.

· Explore New Hobbies Together Trying something new as a couple—like cooking classes, dancing, or hiking—keeps your relationship exciting and helps you bond over shared experiences.

3. Focus on Quality Time, Not Just Quantity

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to mistake being physically present for spending true quality time. Carve out moments where distractions like phones and work obligations are set aside. This could mean sharing a quiet cup of coffee in the morning or going for a walk after dinner.

4. Celebrate Small Wins Together

Big goals can sometimes feel daunting, but celebrating small achievements keeps you motivated. Did you stick to your weekly date night? Acknowledge it! Did you both try a new hobby or tackle a conflict with better communication? Celebrate your progress.

5. Resolution Ideas to Strengthen Your Bond

Here are some actionable goals that couples can adopt to foster a happier and healthier relationship:

· Daily Gratitude Practice: Share one thing you appreciate about each other every day.

· Travel Together: Plan a getaway, even if it’s just a weekend road trip.

· Financial Goals: Work on budgeting or saving for a shared dream, such as a home or vacation.

· Learn Together: Take a class or workshop that excites you both.

· Volunteer as a Couple: Giving back can create a sense of shared purpose.

6. Make Long-Term Plans a Priority

While focusing on short-term relationship resolutions, don’t forget to discuss your long-term goals as a couple. Talk about your future dreams and map out actionable steps to achieve them. Planning for the future, whether it’s about career aspirations, family goals, or retirement dreams, builds a sense of teamwork.

7. Maintain Flexibility and Patience

Not all resolutions will go as planned, and that’s okay. Relationships evolve, and your goals may need to adapt. What matters is maintaining open communication and supporting each other through the process.

8. When in Doubt, Seek Guidance

If you find it challenging to navigate certain resolutions or aspects of your relationship, seeking professional support, such as couples counseling, can be incredibly beneficial. A therapist can help you identify areas for growth, offer tools for improvement, and strengthen your partnership in ways you may not have considered.

Final Thoughts: Building a Better Bond in the New Year

A successful couple new year doesn’t mean you have to overhaul your entire relationship. Instead, focus on creating small, intentional changes that enhance your connection and improve your ability to work as a team.

Remember, teamwork makes the dream work, and setting resolutions for couples is an excellent way to grow together. Whether it’s prioritizing quality time, planning consistent date nights, or dreaming big about your future, these resolutions are opportunities to foster love and support in the year ahead. Here’s to a year of deeper connection, shared adventures, and unwavering teamwork. Cheers to your best year yet!

New Year, Stronger Us: Setting Relationship Goals for 2025

The start of a new year is an ideal time for reflection and renewal. As individuals, we often focus on setting personal resolutions, but what about resolutions for couples? Strengthening your relationship can set the tone for a fulfilling year ahead. By aligning on shared goals and making intentional efforts, 2025 can be the year your relationship flourishes. Here are some practical ways to improve your relationship, surprise your partner, and set relationship goals for the new year.

1. Define Your Shared Vision for the Year

Relationships thrive when both partners are working toward a common purpose. Sit down together and discuss your aspirations as a couple. Whether it’s saving for a dream vacation, committing to weekly date nights, or improving communication, setting long-term and short-term goals helps create alignment. Make these goals SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Writing them down ensures accountability and gives you a roadmap to revisit throughout the year.

2. Prioritize Quality Time

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to let quality time slip through the cracks. Dedicate time each week to connect without distractions. This could mean having a tech-free dinner, going on a long walk together, or scheduling regular date nights. Remember, it’s not just about spending time but also about how you spend it—being fully present can make all the difference.

3. Explore Each Other’s Love Languages

Understanding your partner’s love language can transform the way you communicate and show affection. Whether it’s words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch, identifying and honoring each other’s preferences fosters deeper

emotional intimacy. This year, commit to expressing love in ways that resonate most with your partner.

4. Create Relationship Resolutions

Just as you set goals personally, creating relationship resolutions can be equally powerful. Consider making a list of actionable commitments to strengthen your bond. Examples might include:

· Improving Communication: Commit to practicing active listening and sharing your feelings openly.

· Fostering Trust: Reaffirm your commitment to honesty and transparency.

· Rekindling Romance: Plan monthly surprises to keep the spark alive.

These resolutions for couples act as intentional steps to improve your relationship over time.

5. Keep the Element of Surprise Alive

Surprising your partner is a simple yet impactful way to show you care. It doesn’t have to be extravagant—small gestures like leaving a heartfelt note, planning a surprise picnic, or gifting something meaningful can go a long way. Regularly surprising your partner helps keep the relationship fresh and exciting.

6. Invest in Date Nights

Date nights are a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. They offer a chance to reconnect, unwind, and focus solely on each other. Whether it’s trying a new restaurant, taking a dance class, or enjoying a cozy night in, regular date nights strengthen emotional and physical intimacy. Schedule them just as you would any other important commitment.

7. Foster Open Communication

No relationship goal is achievable without strong communication. Make 2025 the year you improve how you talk and listen to each other. Set aside time for regular check-ins to discuss what’s working, what’s not, and how you can support each other better. These

conversations build trust and understanding, making it easier to navigate challenges together.

8. Spend Time Nurturing Each Other’s Passions

Supporting your partner’s individual goals can strengthen your bond. Encourage them to pursue hobbies, learn new skills, or achieve personal milestones. Attend events they’re passionate about or celebrate their achievements—showing you’re invested in their growth brings you closer as a couple.

9. Revisit and Renew Your Commitment

Whether you’ve been together for a year or a decade, renewing your commitment is a beautiful way to celebrate your relationship. Reflect on your journey together, acknowledge your growth, and reaffirm your dedication to each other. This can be as formal as renewing your vows or as simple as sharing a heartfelt conversation.

10. Embrace the Power of Long-Term Planning

Setting long-term relationship goals can inspire a sense of shared purpose and stability. Plan for future milestones like buying a home, starting a family, or traveling the world. Working together on these aspirations builds trust and deepens your connection, reminding you both that you’re in this together for the long haul.

The Bottom Line

The new year offers a fresh start to build a stronger, more connected relationship. By setting relationship resolutions, prioritizing quality time, and embracing love languages, you can deepen your bond and create meaningful memories. Remember, the key to achieving these goals lies in consistent effort, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to growth. Here’s to making 2025 a year of love, laughter, and lasting connection!

What are your relationship goals for the new year? Share them with your partner and start creating your strongest “us” yet! If you’re looking for guidance in achieving these goals, the Relationship Therapy Center can help. Call us today to schedule an appointment and take the first step toward a stronger, more fulfilling relationship in 2025!

Crisis Discernment vs. Traditional Couples Therapy: What’s the Difference?

When a relationship reaches a crossroads, deciding the next step can feel overwhelming. For couples on the brink of divorce, the choice to continue working on the marriage or move toward separation often requires professional guidance. While traditional couples therapy and discernment counseling both offer support, they serve different purposes depending on the couple’s situation and goals.

Understanding the distinction between these approaches is key to selecting the right path for your relationship. Let’s explore how discernment counseling focuses on helping couples gain clarity and confidence during a crisis and how it differs from the longer-term process of traditional marriage counseling.

What Is Discernment Counseling?

Discernment counseling is a short-term process designed for couples on the brink of divorce who are uncertain about whether to stay together or separate. Unlike traditional couples therapy, which focuses on improving the relationship over time, discernment counseling helps couples decide whether to:

1. Work on the marriage.

2. Separate amicably.

3. Take no action immediately and reflect further.

This method offers clarity by helping each partner reflect on their feelings and goals. It typically lasts 1-5 sessions, making it an efficient option for couples in crisis.

Discernment counseling is rooted in decision-making, guiding couples through a structured process to arrive at a final decision about their relationship. Sessions often include a combination of individual conversations and joint discussions, allowing each partner to articulate their thoughts and emotions.

What Is Traditional Couples Therapy?

Traditional couples therapy is a long-term commitment that aims to strengthen the relationship and resolve conflicts. It’s for couples who have already decided to work on their marriage and are seeking tools to improve communication, rebuild trust, and deepen their connection.

This approach typically involves joint sessions where both partners work on shared goals, like improving communication, rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy, and resolving ongoing issues. It’s an ideal choice for couples who are committed to making their marriage work and are looking for practical strategies to sustain a healthy partnership over time.

Discernment Counseling: A Focus on Clarity

One of the unique aspects of discernment counseling is its focus on gaining clarity. For couples unsure about their future, discernment counseling provides a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore:

· Each partner’s perspective on the relationship.

· The factors that have contributed to the current crisis.

· The possibility of staying married or moving towards divorce.

Unlike traditional couples therapy, which dives into the work of rebuilding the relationship, discernment counseling is about understanding whether that work is the right choice for both partners.

Who Is Discernment Counseling For?

Discernment counseling is ideal for:

· Couples experiencing significant marital conflict who are uncertain about their future.

· Situations where one partner is leaning out and the other is leaning in.

· Those seeking clarity about whether to continue working on the marriage or pursue divorce.

The short-term nature of discernment counseling sessions—typically limited to 1-5 sessions—makes it a focused and efficient option for couples in crisis.

Who Is Traditional Couples Therapy For?

Traditional marriage counseling is best suited for couples who:

· Have decided they want to stay together and work on the relationship.

· Are seeking help to improve communication, rebuild trust, or resolve specific issues.

· Want to invest in their partnership for the long-term.

Traditional couples therapy involves ongoing work to build healthier communication patterns, repair emotional and physical intimacy, and create a stronger foundation for the future.

What to Expect from Discernment Counseling Sessions

During discernment counseling sessions, the counselor guides the couple through structured discussions, which may include:

· Individual conversations with each partner to explore their feelings and goals.

· Joint discussions to uncover patterns, identify issues, and consider possible outcomes.

· Tools and frameworks to help each partner understand their role in the relationship.

The primary goal is to help couples gain clarity and confidence about their next steps, whether that involves rebuilding the marriage or moving toward an amicable separation.

The Long-Term Focus of Traditional Couples Therapy

In contrast to discernment counseling’s short-term approach, traditional couples therapy emphasizes gradual growth and healing. Couples engage in sessions designed to address specific challenges, rebuild trust, and enhance emotional and physical intimacy. The process often takes months or longer and is geared toward achieving sustained improvement in the relationship.

Benefits of Each Approach

Discernment counseling and traditional couples therapy each offer unique benefits, depending on the couple’s situation:

· Discernment Counseling: Helps couples make a final decision about their future by providing clarity, understanding, and a framework for reflecting on the relationship.

· Traditional Couples Therapy: Supports couples in rebuilding and strengthening their relationship for the long term through actionable strategies and ongoing guidance.

Selecting the right approach ensures that your time, energy, and emotions are directed toward the most effective solution for your relationship.

Making the Right Choice for Your Relationship

For couples on the brink of divorce, discernment counseling provides a structured, short-term process to gain clarity and confidence about their future. It’s particularly helpful for those who are uncertain about whether to continue working on the marriage or move toward separation.

On the other hand, traditional marriage counseling is the right fit for couples who have already decided to stay together and are committed to improving their relationship over time. By choosing the approach that aligns with your goals and needs, you can navigate this critical period with purpose and insight.

No matter which path you choose, the ultimate goal is to achieve a resolution that brings clarity, healing, and a sense of direction for both partners. With the right support, you can move forward confidently, whether that means staying married or finding peace in separation.

Affairs and Personal Growth: How to Heal Individually and as a Couple

Discovering or confessing an affair can feel like the ground beneath a relationship has crumbled. The betrayal of trust is a deeply painful experience for both the betrayed partner and the one who contributed to the affair. While the road to affair recovery is undeniably challenging, it’s also an opportunity for profound personal growth and, potentially, a stronger relationship. Healing requires commitment, patience, and vulnerability, but it’s possible to navigate the recovery process individually and together.

Here’s how to approach the process of healing after an affair, rebuild trust, and find a path forward, whether it’s together or apart.

1. Acknowledge the Pain and Betrayal of Trust

The first step to recovering from an affair is recognizing the immense pain caused. The hurting partner needs space to process their emotions and feel validated. Suppressing feelings or minimizing the situation only deepens the divide.

For the betrayed partner, this stage may involve anger, sadness, and confusion as they grapple with the intimate details of what happened. Meanwhile, the partner who contributed to the affair must take full accountability without defensiveness or blame-shifting.

2. Seek Support from a Marriage Counselor

One of the most effective ways to begin the recovery process is by working with a professional. A marriage counselor can provide a safe, neutral space where both partners can explore their feelings, uncover underlying issues, and develop strategies for moving forward.

· Marriage counseling helps the betrayed partner feel heard and supported.

· It also provides the partner who contributed to the affair with tools to express remorse and understand the impact of their actions.

· A counselor facilitates difficult conversations that might otherwise escalate into conflict.

3. Understand What Contributed to the Affair

While nothing excuses infidelity, understanding the factors that led to it is essential for healing. This doesn’t mean blaming the betrayed partner or justifying the affair; instead, it’s about identifying what was missing in the relationship or within the partner who strayed.

Questions to explore might include:

· Were there unmet emotional or physical intimacy needs?

· Were there communication breakdowns that created distance?

· Did unresolved personal issues, such as stress, insecurity, or past trauma, play a role?

By addressing these issues honestly, couples can gain insight into how to rebuild and prevent future disconnects.

4. Rebuild Trust Through Transparency

Re-establishing trust is one of the hardest yet most crucial parts of affair recovery. This involves consistent effort and patience from both partners.

For the partner who contributed to the affair:

· Be completely transparent about your actions and intentions moving forward.

· Avoid withholding information or dismissing requests for clarification, as this can prolong the healing process.

For the betrayed partner:

· Understand that rebuilding trust takes time and may require small steps.

· Openly communicate your boundaries and expectations, ensuring that your voice feels heard.

5. Address Emotional and Physical Intimacy

An affair often creates significant barriers to both emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. While these areas may take time to restore, addressing them is essential to recovering from an affair.

· Emotional Intimacy: Both partners must focus on creating a safe space for vulnerability. Sharing fears, desires, and hopes fosters a deeper connection. This is where working with a marriage counselor can be especially helpful in guiding the conversations.

· Physical Intimacy: Rebuilding physical closeness requires trust, understanding, and mutual consent. It’s important not to rush this process and to communicate openly about comfort levels and needs.

6. Involve Trusted Family Members or Friends Carefully

Confiding in family members or close friends can provide much-needed emotional support during the process of healing, but this must be approached cautiously.

· Choose confidants wisely: Select individuals who will remain neutral and supportive rather than judgmental or divisive.

· Set boundaries: Avoid oversharing intimate details that might damage how loved ones view your partner if you decide to rebuild the relationship.

While outside perspectives can be valuable, too much interference can complicate the recovery process.

7. Commit to Personal Growth

Healing from an affair isn’t just about the relationship—it’s also an opportunity for individual self-improvement.

For the partner who contributed to the affair:

· Reflect on the choices and behaviors that led to infidelity.

· Seek personal counseling or self-help resources to address any underlying issues.

For the betrayed partner:

· Focus on self-care and rebuilding your sense of self-worth.

· Consider exploring hobbies, friendships, or goals that bring fulfillment outside the relationship.

When both partners grow individually, they’re better equipped to move forward in a healthy, constructive way.

8. Take a Long-Term Approach to the Recovery Process

There’s no quick fix for recovering from an affair. The journey to healing is a long-term commitment that requires patience and persistence from both partners.

· Set realistic expectations: Understand that setbacks are normal and part of the process of healing.

· Celebrate progress: Acknowledge the small steps you’ve taken together, whether it’s improved communication or a restored sense of trust.

· Remain open: Continuously revisit your goals and intentions as a couple to ensure alignment.

9. Decide the Best Path Forward

Not all relationships survive infidelity, and that’s okay. For some couples, the healthiest choice may be to part ways. For others, the experience can strengthen their bond in the long run.

Through open communication, professional guidance, and mutual effort, you can determine the path that best serves your individual and shared well-being.

Final Thoughts on Affair Recovery

The aftermath of an affair is undoubtedly one of the most challenging situations a couple can face. However, it also offers an opportunity for introspection, growth, and transformation. With the right tools, support, and commitment, you can navigate the process of healing—whether that’s rebuilding trust and intimacy or finding a new path forward.

Remember, you don’t have to go through it alone. A marriage counselor can provide invaluable support and guidance throughout your recovery process, ensuring that both partners feel heard and respected. By approaching the journey with honesty, compassion, and dedication, healing is possible.

No matter where your journey leads, the focus should always remain on what fosters growth, happiness, and long-term well-being for everyone involved. Contact Relationship Therapy Center today to learn more or book your first appointment. 

Addressing Intimacy and Affection During Busy Times

When was the last time you truly touched your partner—not the automatic peck between errands or the absent-minded hand on their shoulder while checking your phone? Think back to that moment when you caught each other’s eyes across the room and felt that familiar flutter, when your fingers intertwined naturally when sharing a quiet moment. These intimate connections—the lingering embraces, the knowing glances, the comfortable silences—often become the first casualties of holiday chaos. What once was a passionate kiss goodnight becomes a mumbled “love you” in the dark, both of you too exhausted to even roll closer. Those fleeting connections often become casualties of the holiday rush—quick kisses replaced by quick texts, shared moments lost to shared to-do lists.

As we wrap up our Couples’ Holiday Survival Series, we’re bringing together all we’ve explored  to focus on your connection with each other. We’re addressing what often silently slips away during busy times: physical and emotional intimacy. The subtle erosion of touch, the gradual fading of deep conversations, the loss of those small, tender moments that make your relationship unique.

At the Relationship Therapy Center, we’ve witnessed how holiday stress can create an invisible barrier between partners—each feeling increasingly isolated despite being constantly together. But we’ve also seen how couples who intentionally protect their intimate connection often emerge from the season feeling closer than ever. Let’s explore practical strategies for maintaining both physical and emotional intimacy, even when the holiday chaos threatens to pull you apart.

Prioritizing Couple Time Amidst Holiday Chaos

When everything feels urgent, nothing feels intimate. Yet carving out dedicated time together isn’t just another task—it’s the foundation that makes all other holiday activities more meaningful. The couples who thrive during this busy season aren’t necessarily the ones with the most free time, but rather those who protect their connection with the same dedication they give to other holiday preparations. Let’s explore ways to protect your connection when your calendar conspires against you:

  • Schedule date nights: Set aside specific times for just the two of you, treating these as non-negotiable appointments.
  • Create daily rituals: Establish small daily routines that keep you connected, like a morning coffee together or an evening walk.
  • Unplug together: Designate tech-free times to focus solely on each other without distractions.
  • Involve each other in tasks: Turn holiday preparations into bonding experiences by doing them together.
  • Plan mini-adventures: Break up the holiday routine with small, spontaneous outings or activities.

Making time for each other sets the stage for deeper connection, but time alone isn’t enough—physical closeness plays an equally crucial role in maintaining intimacy during busy periods. The habits you develop now in protecting your couple time can strengthen your relationship long after the holiday season ends. Think of these moments together not as time taken away from holiday preparations, but as the energy source that makes everything else more meaningful.

Maintaining Physical Affection

When stress runs high and energy runs low, physical affection often becomes an afterthought. Yet touch is one of our most powerful tools for maintaining connection, reducing stress, and reminding us that we’re partners first, holiday coordinators second. Even the briefest moments of physical connection can help anchor your relationship amid the seasonal chaos. Simple physical gestures can become powerful reminders of your bond:

  • Practice non-sexual touching: Hold hands, hug, or give each other a quick massage to maintain physical closeness.
  • Be intentional about intimacy: If you’re both tired, even a few minutes of cuddling can help maintain your bond.
  • Express affection publicly: Small gestures of affection, even in family settings, can reinforce your connection.
  • Create a cozy environment: Make your home a warm, inviting space that encourages closeness and relaxation.

Physical connection flourishes when supported by open, honest communication—especially during times of high stress and competing demands. By maintaining these small gestures of physical affection, you create a constant undercurrent of connection that flows beneath the surface of holiday activities. Remember that every touch, no matter how brief, is an investment in your intimate bond. These moments of physical connection serve as touchstones throughout your busy days, helping you stay grounded in what matters most: your relationship.

Communicating Desires and Needs

Holiday exhaustion can make even basic conversations feel challenging, let alone discussions about intimacy and emotional needs. Yet this is precisely when clear communication becomes most crucial. The better you express your needs and understand your partner’s, the stronger your connection grows. Think of these conversations as investments in your holiday happiness, creating a framework for deeper understanding:

  • Express appreciation: Regularly tell your partner what you love and appreciate about them.
  • Share your feelings: Be honest about your desire for closeness or any feelings of disconnection.
  • Discuss expectations: Talk about each other’s needs for intimacy during the holiday season.
  • Be understanding: Recognize that stress and fatigue can impact libido and be patient with each other.

With clear communication channels established, you’re better equipped to handle one of the holiday season’s biggest challenges to intimacy: navigating family presence and privacy. The skills you develop in expressing needs and desires during this busy time will serve your relationship well beyond the holiday season. Consider these conversations as building blocks for year-round intimate communication, creating patterns of understanding that strengthen your connection through every season.

Dealing with Family Interference and Privacy Issues

Nothing tests a couple’s intimate connection quite like a house full of relatives or back-to-back family obligations. Whether you’re hosting guests or staying with family, maintaining privacy and connection requires careful planning and clear boundaries. The key lies in finding the delicate balance between honoring family relationships and protecting your intimate space. Here’s how to protect your intimate space while honoring family relationships:

  • Set boundaries: Establish rules about privacy and alone time when hosting family or staying with relatives.
  • Get creative: Find discreet ways to maintain physical and emotional connection even in crowded situations.
  • Plan ahead: If staying with family, consider booking a hotel room for a night to have some private time.
  • Communicate with family: Politely but firmly express your need for couple time to family members.

Once you’ve created strategies for maintaining privacy and managing family dynamics, you can focus on actively nurturing the spark that makes your relationship special. These boundaries aren’t just about protecting your private time—they’re about preserving the sacred space of your relationship amid the wonderful chaos of family gatherings. By establishing these practices now, you create patterns that will serve your relationship through future family gatherings and holidays.

Rekindling Romance and Spontaneity

During the structured chaos of the holiday season, romance often feels like the first thing to go. Yet sometimes the most intimate moments happen not in spite of holiday activities, but because of how you choose to approach them together. The magic lies in transforming ordinary holiday tasks into opportunities for connection. Here’s how to weave moments of connection into even the busiest days:

  • Leave surprise notes: Hide affectionate messages for your partner to find throughout the day.
  • Plan a surprise date: Take turns planning unexpected romantic outings or at-home dates.
  • Express daily appreciation: Share one specific thing you love or admire about your partner each day.
  • Find playful moments: Look for opportunities to be silly together, whether it’s having a snowball fight or dancing while decorating.
  • Share morning moments: Start your day earlier to enjoy quiet time together, whether it’s cuddling in bed or sharing a peaceful breakfast.
  • Break routine: Do ordinary tasks in extraordinary ways, like wrapping gifts together with music and wine, or cooking while dancing in the kitchen.

By transforming holiday tasks into opportunities for connection, you’re not just surviving the season—you’re strengthening your bond and creating memories that last long after the decorations come down. These moments of intentional romance and spontaneous affection become the threads that weave your holiday story together, creating patterns of connection that can carry you through the entire year. Remember, it’s not about grand gestures or perfect timing—it’s about finding ways to celebrate your love amid the beautiful chaos of the season.

Nurturing Your Connection Through the Season and Beyond

As the holiday season comes to a close, we want to emphasize that intimacy isn’t just about grand romantic gestures or finding perfect moments—it’s about the small choices you make each day to stay connected. Every time you reach for your partner’s hand instead of your phone, pause for a lingering kiss instead of a rushed goodbye, or share a quiet moment before the day begins, you’re investing in the foundation of your relationship.

The strategies we’ve explored—from prioritizing couple time to maintaining physical affection, from open communication to protecting private moments—aren’t just holiday survival tools. They’re building blocks for a stronger, more intimate partnership that can weather any season. At the Relationship Therapy Center, we understand that maintaining connection during busy times can feel overwhelming. Our experienced therapists are here to help you create strategies that work for your unique relationship. 

Contact our client ambassadors today to learn more about our couples counseling services. Because when you invest in your intimate connection, every season becomes an opportunity to fall in love all over again.

 

Managing Financial Stress During The Holidays

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In isolation, each holiday expense seems justifiable. Fast forward to January. The decorations are down, the festivities are over, and you’re looking at your bank statement. Childhood traditions collide with financial realities and reveal an often unspoken truth: money talks become more complicated when wrapped in tinsel and tradition. 

In previous posts, we’ve helped you navigate difficult conversations around the holidays, survive family expectations, honor differing traditions, and protect your individual needs. Now, in this fifth guide of our Couples’ Holiday Survival Series, we’re addressing the elephant in the room: holiday spending.

In an era where Instagram showcases picture-perfect holiday moments and TikTok shop links promise instant festive magic, we’re bombarded with carefully curated scenes that make our own authentic celebrations feel somehow lacking—as if real holiday joy requires perfect lighting, matching decorations, and Instagram-worthy tablescapes. What if the most valuable gifts this season aren’t the ones with price tags? What if creating meaningful holiday memories has less to do with what you spend, and more to do with how you spend time understanding each other’s financial values and dreams? Drawing from thousands of conversations with couples navigating holiday financial stress, we’ve developed practical strategies to help you move from financial tension to true partnership. Because when you learn to talk about money with the same care you discuss your deepest hopes and fears, something magical happens—you start building holiday traditions that honor both your bank account and your bond.

Creating a Holiday Budget Together

Before the tinsel goes up and the shopping begins, taking time to create a shared financial roadmap can save both money and relationship stress. Think of your holiday budget as a gift you give your relationship—one that keeps giving long after the decorations come down. Let’s explore the essential steps to create a budget that works for both partners:

  • Assess your financial situation: Review your current financial status and determine how much you can realistically afford to spend on holiday expenses.
  • List all anticipated expenses: Include gifts, decorations, travel, food, and any other holiday-related costs.
  • Prioritize spending: Decide together which expenses are most important and allocate funds accordingly.
  • Set spending limits: Agree on spending caps for various categories, especially for gifts.
  • Consider using cash or envelopes: This method can help prevent overspending by making the budget more tangible.

With a solid budget in place, you’ve created a framework for holiday spending decisions. However, a budget is just the beginning—understanding each other’s deeper financial values is crucial for long-term success.

Discussing Financial Values and Priorities

Money conversations during the holidays often reveal deeper attitudes and beliefs shaped by our past experiences. At the Relationship Therapy Center, we’ve found that understanding these underlying values is key to preventing financial tension. Consider these approaches to align your financial perspectives:

  • Share your financial background: Discuss how money was handled in your families growing up and how it influences your current views.
  • Identify shared financial goals: Align on short-term and long-term financial objectives beyond the holiday season.
  • Express concerns openly: If you have worries about holiday spending, share them with your partner in a non-judgmental way.
  • Find common ground: Look for areas where your financial values align and use these as a foundation for decision-making.

When you understand each other’s financial values, creative solutions often emerge naturally. This understanding sets the stage for exploring thoughtful gift-giving approaches that honor both your budget and your relationship.

Creative Gift-Giving Strategies

The pressure to give perfect gifts can strain both your budget and your relationship. However, some of the most memorable presents don’t come with the highest price tags. Here are ways to make your gift-giving meaningful without breaking the bank:

  • Set gift exchange rules: Agree on spending limits or consider alternatives like Secret Santa for larger family gatherings.
  • Focus on experiences: Give the gift of shared experiences rather than material items.
  • DIY gifts: Create homemade gifts that are personal and often more meaningful.
  • Give time and skills: Offer services or help with tasks as gifts.
  • Start a gift savings fund: Set aside small amounts throughout the year for holiday expenses.
  • Shop sales and use coupons: Take advantage of deals and discounts to stretch your budget.

These creative approaches to gift-giving can help reduce financial stress while increasing emotional connection. However, even with the best strategies, disagreements about holiday spending can arise.

Dealing with Financial Disagreements

When holiday emotions run high, financial discussions can become particularly charged. The key is approaching these conversations as problem-solving partners rather than opponents. Here are proven strategies for navigating financial differences during the holiday season:

  • Listen without judgment: Try to understand your partner’s perspective before responding.
  • Focus on shared goals: Remind each other of your common financial objectives.
  • Avoid blame: Instead of pointing fingers, work together to find solutions.
  • Seek compromise: Look for middle-ground solutions that address both partners’ concerns.
  • Consider professional help: If financial disagreements persist, consider meeting with a financial advisor or counselor.

By handling financial disagreements with care and understanding, you strengthen your ability to tackle future money challenges together. This brings us to an important consideration: planning for the post-holiday period.

Planning for Post-Holiday Financial Recovery

The best time to think about January’s financial health is before the holiday spending begins. A proactive approach to post-holiday recovery can help you enjoy the season more fully, knowing you have a plan in place. Consider these strategies to ensure financial wellness into the new year:

  • Create a repayment plan: If you’ve used credit, develop a strategy to pay off any holiday debt quickly.
  • Start saving for next year: Begin setting aside funds for next year’s holidays as soon as possible.
  • Review and adjust: After the holidays, review your spending and use insights to plan for the future.
  • Celebrate financial wins: Acknowledge areas where you successfully stuck to your budget or made smart financial decisions.

Having a solid recovery plan lets you focus on what truly matters during the holidays. Which brings us to perhaps the most important aspect of holiday finances: remembering that the most precious moments often don’t cost a thing.

Focusing on Non-Material Aspects of the Holidays

In the rush to create perfect holiday moments through purchases, it’s easy to forget that the most cherished memories rarely come with a price tag. Let’s explore ways to embrace the true spirit of the season without straining your finances:

  • Emphasize togetherness: Focus on spending quality time with loved ones rather than on material gifts.
  • Create meaningful traditions: Develop traditions that don’t revolve around spending money.
  • Practice gratitude: Take time to appreciate what you already have rather than focusing on what you want to buy.
  • Give back to the community: Volunteer or donate to causes you care about as a couple.

By approaching holiday finances as a team, couples can reduce stress and strengthen their relationship. Open communication, shared decision-making, and a focus on what truly matters can help create a joyful holiday season without financial strain. The true wealth of the season lies in the moments you create together, not the money you spend.

Beyond the Bank Account: Building Financial Partnership

As the holiday decorations are packed away and the new year begins, remember that the financial harmony you’ve cultivated during this season doesn’t have to end. Managing money together during the holidays isn’t just about stretching dollars—it’s about strengthening the foundation of trust and partnership in your relationship. The strategies we’ve discussed aren’t just solutions for seasonal spending; they’re tools for building a stronger financial future together.

At the Relationship Therapy Center, we understand that conversations about money can be among the most challenging aspects of any relationship, especially during the pressure-filled holiday season. Our experienced therapists specialize in helping couples develop healthy approaches to financial partnership that extend far beyond December. Whether you’re struggling with different spending styles, feeling overwhelmed by holiday expenses, or looking to build stronger financial communication skills, we’re here to help you create a more harmonious approach to money matters.

Ready to transform your approach to finances as a couple? Contact us at 612-787-2832, or request a first appointment here. Because when money talks, your relationship should grow stronger by learning to listen together.

Surviving the Holiday Season After Infidelity: Couples Therapy Insights

The holiday season is traditionally a time of the year filled with joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for couples navigating the aftermath of infidelity, this period can be especially challenging. The festive atmosphere may amplify feelings of betrayal, hurt, and uncertainty, making it one of the most difficult times for both partners. Drawing on insights from couples therapy, this article offers guidance on surviving the holidays and fostering healing during this sensitive period.

Understanding the Emotional Impact

Infidelity strikes at the core of a relationship, shattering trust and security. During the holidays, emotions often run high, and the emphasis on family and intimacy can intensify feelings of loss and isolation. Christmas Eve and other significant dates may serve as painful reminders of happier times, exacerbating emotional turmoil.

The Double-Edged Sword of the Holidays

  • Heightened Expectations: The pressure to appear joyful can be overwhelming.
  • Family Gatherings: Interactions with relatives may bring up uncomfortable questions or judgments.
  • Traditions: Shared rituals may trigger memories associated with the affair.

Acknowledging these challenges is a crucial first step in addressing the emotional strain on your mental health.

Prioritizing Mental Health and Self-Care

Maintaining your mental health during this period is essential. Both partners should engage in self-care practices to manage stress and emotions.

Self-Care Strategies

  • Mindfulness and Meditation: Helps in staying grounded and reducing anxiety.
  • Physical Activity: Exercise can improve mood and reduce stress levels.
  • Journaling: Writing down thoughts and feelings aids in processing emotions.

Seeking support from a mental health professional can also provide valuable tools for coping and affair recovery.

Couples Therapy Insights for Surviving the Holidays

Couples therapy offers strategies to navigate the complexities of the holiday season after infidelity.

Open Communication

Honest dialogue about feelings, expectations, and concerns is vital. Establishing a safe space for communication can prevent misunderstandings and foster mutual understanding.

Setting Boundaries

Agree on boundaries regarding social events, family interactions, and discussions about the affair. This may include:

  • Deciding which gatherings to attend together or separately.
  • Establishing topics that are off-limits during family events.
  • Limiting time spent in situations that may cause discomfort.

Establishing a United Front

Presenting a unified approach can strengthen your bond and provide mutual support. This includes:

  • Making joint decisions about holiday plans.
  • Supporting each other in social settings.
  • Addressing rumors or questions with agreed-upon responses.

Creating New Traditions

Starting new holiday traditions can symbolize a fresh start and help in the healing process.

Ideas for New Traditions

  • Volunteer Together: Giving back can foster connection and shift focus outward.
  • Plan a Getaway: A change of scenery may provide a much-needed break.
  • Create New Rituals: Establish activities that are meaningful to both partners.

These new experiences can help replace painful memories with positive ones, aiding in affair recovery.

Managing External Pressures

Understanding that it’s acceptable to prioritize your relationship over external expectations is key.

Dealing with Family and Friends

  • Selective Sharing: Decide how much to disclose about your situation.
  • Seeking Support: Lean on trusted individuals who respect your privacy.
  • Saying No: It’s okay to decline invitations that may be too taxing.

By managing external pressures, you create space to focus on healing and rebuilding trust.

Embracing Professional Support

Professional guidance can be invaluable during this challenging time.

Benefits of Couples Therapy

  • Neutral Ground: Provides a safe environment to express feelings.
  • Skill Building: Learn communication and conflict-resolution skills.
  • Guided Healing: Therapists can offer tailored strategies for recovery.

Engaging in therapy can accelerate the healing process and strengthen your partnership.

Focusing on the Present

Living in the moment can alleviate anxiety about the future and regrets about the past.

Mindfulness Practices

  • Breathing Exercises: Helps reduce stress and improve focus.
  • Gratitude Journaling: Shifts attention to positive aspects of life.
  • Engaging Activities: Participate in hobbies or interests that bring joy.

Focusing on the present supports emotional well-being and aids in surviving the holidays.

Conclusion

Navigating the holiday season after infidelity is undoubtedly one of the most difficult times a couple can face. However, with intentional effort, open communication, and professional support, it’s possible to not only survive but also lay the foundation for a stronger relationship. Prioritizing your mental health, setting realistic expectations, and embracing new traditions can turn this challenging time of the year into an opportunity for growth and healing.

Remember, affair recovery is a journey that takes time, patience, and commitment from both partners. By applying these couples therapy insights, you can move toward rebuilding trust and rediscovering joy during the holidays and beyond. Contact Relationship Therapy Center today to book your next appointment or to learn more. 

The Gift of Space: Nurturing Individual Identity in Your Holiday Season

In a world where #CoupleGoals typically means doing everything together, we’re here to suggest something radical: maybe the strongest couples are the ones who know when to do things apart. In this fourth installment of our Couples’ Holiday Survival Series, we tackle perhaps the greatest paradox of the season: the more we try to do everything together during the holidays, the further apart we might actually grow.

(If you missed our previous guides on communication strategies for the holidays and navigating different family traditions, we encourage you to explore them as well.)

The truth is, in our efforts to create meaningful moments with those we love, we often lose sight of our own needs. The pressure to be everywhere, do everything, and maintain a constant spirit of togetherness can leave couples feeling drained and disconnected. Whether you’re struggling with guilt about needing alone time or finding it challenging to maintain your individual identity, we’re here to help you discover how to best take care of yourself amid the season’s demands and how dedicated alone time can actually strengthen your partnership.

The Importance of Personal Time and Space

Before diving into specific strategies, let’s explore a fundamental truth about relationships: space isn’t just nice to have—it’s essential for relationship health. Like a well-composed photograph, the right amount of negative space actually makes the subject more beautiful. Understanding this principle is the first step toward a more balanced holiday season. To maintain this crucial balance during the holiday season, consider these fundamental aspects of personal space and their impact on relationship health:

  • Recharge and reflect: Personal time allows individuals to recharge emotionally and reflect on their experiences.
  • Pursue individual interests: Maintaining separate hobbies and interests can bring fresh energy to the relationship.
  • Reduce holiday burnout: Taking breaks from constant togetherness can prevent feelings of overwhelm or resentment.
  • Enhance appreciation: Time apart can increase appreciation for time spent together.

By recognizing and honoring our need for personal space, we lay the foundation for deeper holiday connection. This understanding naturally leads us to explore specific strategies for maintaining your unique identity during the festive season.

Strategies for Maintaining Individual Identity During the Holidays

With a clear understanding of why personal space matters, let’s explore practical ways to preserve your individual identity when the holiday season threatens to merge everything—and everyone—into one festive blur. Think of these strategies as your personal holiday preservation toolkit. Here are some ways to maintain your individual identity amidst the holiday hustle:

  • Schedule personal activities: Set aside time for individual hobbies or interests, even during busy holiday periods.
  • Connect with friends: Make time for friendships outside of couple activities.
  • Maintain personal traditions: Continue any solo holiday traditions that are meaningful to you.
  • Pursue personal goals: Don’t put individual aspirations on hold just because it’s the holiday season, whether it’s your fitness routine, learning a new language, working on a creative project, or advancing your career goals.
  • Express your unique style: Find ways to incorporate your tastes into your personal style, holiday decorations, or family activities.

These strategies aren’t just about maintaining boundaries—they’re about ensuring you bring your full, authentic self to your holiday celebrations. This authenticity becomes especially important as we consider how to balance couple time with individual needs.

Balancing Couple Time with Individual Needs

Finding the sweet spot between togetherness and independence can feel like adjusting a delicate holiday recipe—too much or too little of either ingredient can throw off the whole mix. The key lies in understanding that quality connection often flows from mindful separation. Finding the right balance between couple time and individual needs is key:

  • Communicate openly: Discuss your needs for personal time with your partner.
  • Plan together: Include both couple activities and individual time when planning your holiday schedule.
  • Be flexible: Allow for adjustments in plans as needs change throughout the season.
  • Support each other’s needs: Encourage your partner to take personal time when needed.
  • Quality over quantity: Focus on the quality of time spent together rather than the quantity.

This balance between together and apart time sets the stage for something equally important: taking care of yourself during the holiday rush. After all, you can’t pour from an empty holiday punch bowl.

Self-Care Practices for the Holiday Season

When the holiday season feels like a marathon of festivities and obligations, self-care often becomes an afterthought. Yet this is precisely when we need it most. Think of these practices not as indulgences, but as essential maintenance for your emotional well-being. Implementing self-care practices can help manage holiday stress and maintain overall well-being:

  • Maintain regular routines: Try to stick to normal sleep, exercise, and eating patterns as much as possible.
  • Practice mindfulness: Incorporate meditation or deep breathing exercises into your daily routine.
  • Set realistic expectations: Don’t try to do everything; prioritize what’s most important to you.
  • Learn to say no: It’s okay to decline invitations or requests that overwhelm you.
  • Engage in physical activity: Regular exercise can help manage stress and boost mood.
  • Limit alcohol and rich foods: While enjoyable, overindulgence can negatively impact mood and energy levels.
  • Seek quiet moments: Find time each day for quiet reflection or relaxation.

These self-care practices form the foundation of holiday resilience. However, they become even more powerful when supported by a partner who understands their importance—which brings us to our final consideration.

Supporting Your Partner’s Self-Care Efforts

The greatest gift you can give your partner during the holidays isn’t something you can wrap—it’s the space and support to take care of themselves. At the Relationship Therapy Center, we’ve seen how couples who actively champion each other’s self-care efforts often emerge from the holiday season feeling closer than ever. Consider these easy ways to become your partner’s strongest advocate for self-care during the holiday season:

  • Encourage personal time: Actively support your partner’s need for alone time or individual activities.Offer to take on tasks: Help create space for your partner’s self-care by offering to handle certain responsibilities.
  • Check in regularly: Ask your partner how they’re feeling and if they need any additional support.
  • Respect boundaries: Honor your partner’s need for space when they communicate it.
  • Plan self-care activities together: Consider engaging in self-care practices as a couple, such as yoga or meditation.

By prioritizing self-care and maintaining individual identities, couples can approach the holiday season with greater resilience and emotional resources. This balance not only supports personal well-being but also contributes to a healthier, more vibrant relationship. Remember, taking care of yourself enables you to be more present and engaged in your relationship and holiday celebrations.

Embracing the Balance of Together and Apart

As you navigate this holiday season, remember that taking time for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential for bringing your best self to your relationship. Think of it like decorating your home for the holidays: each ornament is beautiful on its own, but together they create something even more magical. The same is true in your relationship—when both partners have the space to shine individually, they create a stronger, more vibrant partnership.

At the Relationship Therapy Center, we understand that finding this balance can be challenging, especially during the busy holiday season. Our experienced therapists specialize in helping couples develop strategies that honor both their individual needs and their shared connection. Whether you’re struggling to maintain personal boundaries, feeling overwhelmed by holiday obligations, or simply wanting to build a healthier approach to self-care within your relationship, we’re here to help.

Ready to discover how maintaining your individual identity can strengthen your relationship this holiday season? Visit this link to set up a first session. Give yourself—and your relationship—the gift of balance this holiday season.

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