“I had no idea if I wanted to work on my relationship. There was so much pain and resentment that I was stuck. This process took off all of the pressure I’ve been feeling from my spouse to make it work – which helped me to choose the right decision for my family and for myself.”
-RTC Make-It-or-Break-It Client
Nearly one in three couples that contact us are considering ending their relationship.
Often one person wants the relationship, and the other is concerned that being happy together is impossible.
For these couples, traditional couples counseling does not make sense. Instead, this couple needs a therapist to take them through a process to see if they both can get on board with working on their relationship… or if it’s time to call it quits.
Make-It-or-Break-It Counseling uses a style of therapy called discernment counseling, which gives you:
- Clarity about how you got to this difficult spot
- Options for moving forward, and what would be needed to make any of those options happen
- Confidence in your decision to either work on or end your relationship
Frequently Asked Questions About Make-It-or-Break-It Counseling
- How do I know if Make-It-or-Break-It Counseling is for us? This type of counseling is for couples where one or both members of the couple are unsure if they want the relationship to proceed. We find this type of counseling is especially suited for these types of couples and situations:
- Ambivalence About The Relationship – Sometimes one or both partners are unsure if they have the desire or motivation to work on their relationship, or if it’s “worth it” to try to make things better.
- A Newly Uncovered Affair – An affair has been revealed and it’s unclear if one or both partners want to do the hard work of repairing the relationship.
- Want to Want It – Some people realize they don’t have the love or admiration for their partner that they used to have, but they want to get them back – or want to know if it’s even possible. (Spoiler alert: it probably is!)
- On the Brink of Separation – Sadly, some couples neglect their relationship for too long, and they won’t make quick enough progress in traditional couples therapy in order for the relationship to survive. Or, couples have done counseling before but the changes haven’t stuck.
- One Partner is In, One Partner is Out – Traditional couples counseling is often unsuccessful if each partner has different goals for working on their relationship. Make-It-or-Break-It Counseling provides an opportunity to get on the same page.
- What is the format? Make-It-or-Break-It Counseling is done in two four-hour Intensive Blocks. During the process, couples will meet together and individually with their therapist to explore their feelings about their partner and the relationship, and understand what their options are for moving forward.
- Does going through this process mean I have to try to make my relationship work? Not at all. One of the huge benefits of this type of counseling is that we are not assuming you want to work on your relationship. We are giving you a process to explore your ambivalence in a guided way. We do recommend that you take the process seriously, and commit to the hard work of understanding your thoughts and feelings about your relationship.
- If I agree to work on my relationship after this process, does that mean I’m stuck with my partner forever? Absolutely not. If you decide to work on your relationship, you are only obligated to see if the relationship can improve. You are not signing up for a lifetime.
- Are the therapists at the Relationship Therapy Center trained in discernment counseling? Most of our therapists are trained in discernment counseling, but only our most experienced therapists offer Make-It-or-Break-It Intensives. If you’re interested in seeing whether a Make-It-or-Break-It Intensive might be just what your relationship needs, please contact our Intensive Program Coordinator at 612-400-5262 or send an email to [email protected].
- Is there hope for us? We’ve seen countless couples who thought they were beyond saving transform their relationships into something even better, stronger, and happier than ever before. This is only possible if each person learns the skills necessary to be successful in relationships, and regularly practices these skills in their daily lives. We teach these skills to couples every day, so you’re in good hands!