Worksheets

Affairs

Affair Recovery Phases and Timeline – this details the different phases a couple healing from an affair may experience from discovery of the affair to lasting change and healing.

Affair Recovery Resources – A list of podcast episodes, books, and TED Talks about healing from an affair.

Affair-Proofing Your Relationship – An exercise for couples with a list of questions to discuss and determine together related to relationship boundaries.

After the Affair Ch. 1: The Hurt Partner’s Response – This is a PDF scan of this chapter from Janis Abrahms Spring’s After the Affair. This chapter provides guidance and information for the partner who was betrayed.

After the Affair Ch. 2: The Unfaithful Partner’s Response – This chapter of After the Affair provides guidance and information for the partner who had the affair.

After the Affair Ch. 6: Building Trust – This chapter of After the Affair describes the process of rebuilding trust for both the betrayed partner and the unfaithful partner. Exercises and suggestions for trust building are included in this chapter.

After the Affair Ch. 9: Learning to Forgive – This chapter of After the Affair unpacks commonly held assumptions about forgiveness and provides a template for partners to write a new covenant for their relationship.

Assessment of Safety – This handout provides a 0-5 scale, created by Amanda Tapper, for couples to assess how secure their relationship is as they are healing from an affair.

Compassionate Communication After the Affair – This document, taken from Shirley P. Glass’s NOT “Just Friends”, provides guidelines for couples in what to focus on and what to avoid as they communicate about the affair.

How Can I Forgive You? – This document outlines the process of forgiveness, including healthy and unhealthy approaches, tasks for the offender, and stages of self-forgiveness, from Janis Abrahms Spring’s After the Affair. 

Preparation for the Affair Story: Betrayed Partner – This worksheet, created by Amanda Tapper, provides some prompts, information, and space to take notes for the betrayed partner as they prepare to receive the story of the affair from the unfaithful partner.

Preparation for the Affair Story: Unfaithful Partner – This worksheet, created by Amanda Tapper, provides prompts and structure for the unfaithful partner to write the story of the affair.

Proactivity, Reassurance, and Consistency – This handout, created by Amanda Tapper, informs the unfaithful partner of these three elements of the healing process.

Risk Assessment – This handout, created by Amanda Tapper, provides a visual aid for understanding what low, moderate, and high-risk elements of a relationship in affair recovery look like.

Safety, Security, and Trust – This handout, created by Amanda Tapper, informs the betrayed partner of these three elements of the healing process. 

Talking About the Affair – This handout, created by Jebediah Sawyer, provides structure and guidelines for both partners to have a productive and relational conversation about the affair.

Abuse/Domestic Violence

Emotional Abuse Questionnaire – brief questionnaire developed by Neil Jacobson and John Gottman for self-assessment of emotionally abusive behaviors in a relation ship. Scoring guide is included.

Equality Wheel – full page graphic from the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence that details each element of equality in a healthy relationship.

Power/Control Scales – scales to assess conflict and power/control in relationships. 

Power and Control Wheel – a graphic from domestic abuse intervention programs that details the different components of abuse, power, and control.

Questions About Abuse – a series of open-ended questions to ask a controlling, disrespectful, or abusive partner with the goal of understanding the other partner’s experience of abuse (from David J. Decker, MA, LP)

ADHD/Neurodivergence

Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria Self-Test – an assessment to self-test for the experience of intense emotional pain upon feeling rejected or shamed for adults and children with ADHD. 

Amen Worksheets & Quizzes

“Making a Good Brain Great” Quiz – This quiz by Daniel Amen assesses for the likelihood of issues within specific regions of the brain based on symptoms experienced by the user.

Anger

Anger Index – This questionnaire by Dave Decker allows users to self-assess the degree to which their anger causes problems in their life using a likert scale to answer the questions and then score the questions. 

Anxiety

Anxiety Reduction Tools Explained – This document lists and explains tools and techniques clients can use to reduce anxiety.

Causes of Anxiety, Phobias, Panic Attacks, Obsessions and Compulsions – This scale asks users to rate from 1-5 how significantly each of the listed symptoms contribute to their experience of these conditions. Created by Nancy Carlson. 

Challenging Negative Thoughts – This worksheet, from TherapistAid, provides a series of questions for clients to ask themselves to practice challenging negative thoughts. 

Identifying the Fears – This worksheet guides clients through analyzing the likelihood of fears coming to pass as a means of reducing anxiety.

Past Successful Anxiety Coping – This solution-focused worksheet guides clients to utilize and recognize their past resourcefulness in coping with anxiety.

Worry Time Exercise – This worksheet provides instructions for how to develop a “worry time” ritual as well as a log to track the ritual daily and monitor success in reducing anxiety.

Atkinson (PET-C)

Accepting Your Share of the Blame Exercise (I have a female partner) – This exercise guides clients in identifying which of the disagreement-related skills, friendship habits, and obvious offenses they used in a recent conflict.

Accepting Your Share of the Blame Exercise (I have a male partner) – This exercise guides clients in identifying which of the disagreement-related skills, friendship habits, and obvious offenses they used in a recent conflict.

Chapter 2: Habits of People Who Get Their Partners to Treat Them Well (I have a female partner) – This is chapter 2 from Atkinson’s workbook, which introduces the openness and flexibility skills and standing up skills and how to use these in relationships.

Chapter 2: Habits of People Who Get Their Partners to Treat Them Well (I have a male partner) – This is chapter 2 from Atkinson’s workbook, which introduces the openness and flexibility skills and standing up skills and how to use these in relationships.

Chapter 7: Laying Down Your Weapon (I have a female partner) – This is chapter seven from Atkinson’s workbook. The chapter explains the letter-writing homework and guided clients through concerns they may have about this process as well as what a sample letter might look like.

Chapter 7: Laying Down Your Weapon (I have a male partner) – This is chapter seven from Atkinson’s workbook. The chapter explains the letter-writing homework and guided clients through concerns they may have about this process as well as what a sample letter might look like.

Charts (“I Have a Female Partner”):

  • Developing 20/20 Hindsight – This chart worksheet guides clients through a writing exercise analyzing the previous relationship conflict.
  • Finding the Understandable Part: Common “Hidden” Reasons – This handout presents a list of possibilities for a partner’s adverse reaction to guide the client in finding the understanding for the partner.
  • Reacting Effectively When Upsets Occur – This chart provides clear and concrete steps to follow in navigating conflict effectively when one or both partners are upset.
  • Sample Self-Reminders – This chart provides quick reminders one can use for two situations: if the client is the one who is upset first and if the partner is the one who is upset first.
  • When You Get Upset First – This flowchart provides guidance and advice for clients in approaching a conflict with partner in which client feels upset or expresses dissatisfaction before the partner does.
  • When You Get Upset First REVIEW – This flowchart presents the client with opportunities to identify which of the openness and flexibility skills and standing up skills they used to react more effectively in conflict with a partner.
  • When Your Partner is Upset First – This flowchart provides guidance and advice for interpreting and responding to a partner’s upset behavior.
  • When Your Partner is Upset First REVIEW – This flowchart presents the client with opportunities to identify which of the openness and flexibility skills and standing up skills they used to react more effectively in conflict with a partner.

Charts (“I Have a Male Partner”):

  • Developing 20/20 Hindsight – This chart worksheet guides clients through a writing exercise analyzing the previous relationship conflict.
  • Finding the Understandable Part: Common “Hidden” Reasons – This handout presents a list of possibilities for a partner’s adverse reaction to guide the client in finding the understanding for the partner.
  • Reacting Effectively When Upsets Occur – This chart provides clear and concrete steps to follow in navigating conflict effectively when one or both partners are upset.
  • Sample Self-Reminders – This chart provides quick reminders one can use for two situations: if the client is the one who is upset first and if the partner is the one who is upset first.
  • When You Get Upset First – This flowchart provides guidance and advice for clients in approaching a conflict with partner in which client feels upset or expresses dissatisfaction before the partner does.
  • When You Get Upset First REVIEW – This flowchart presents the client with opportunities to identify which of the openness and flexibility skills and standing up skills they used to react more effectively in conflict with a partner.
  • When Your Partner is Upset First – This flowchart provides guidance and advice for interpreting and responding to a partner’s upset behavior.
  • When Your Partner is Upset First REVIEW – This flowchart presents the client with opportunities to identify which of the openness and flexibility skills and standing up skills they used to react more effectively in conflict with a partner.

Daily Email Exercise – This worksheet is aimed at increasing the friendship and positivity in the relationship by requiring clients to email this completed worksheet to each other every day.

Daily Frustration Log – This worksheet asks clients to record details from each frustrating exchange in their relationship and their efforts to implement change.

Disagreement-Related Offenses (I have a female partner) – This is a summary of the nine disagreement-related offenses.

Disagreement-Related Offenses (I have a male partner) – This is a summary of the nine disagreement-related offenses.

Getting on the Same Page with Your Expectations (Recording #5) Exercise – This worksheet guides clients through each step of mentally preparing for a relational conversation with a partner in which both people may have different needs and expectations.

Healing Past Hurts Conversation Summary – This handout summarizes the main points of what is required during the healing conversation phase of treatment in general as well as for each partner.

Letter-Writing – Supplemental Support:

  • Supplemental Support for Atkinson Letter – This document provides more detailed structure and guidance for writing the letter releasing your partner from the role of the villain (exercise presented in chapter 7 of the manual).
  • Supplemental Support for Healing Conversations – This document provides guidance and structure for clients writing a letter to their partner as part of the healing conversations phase of the PET-C model.

Navigating Everyday Frustrations Flow Chart – This chart details the NEF phase of therapy.

Perpetual Issues Flow Chart – This chart details the process of guiding clients through resolving perpetual issues.

PET-C Overview Flow Chart – This chart provides an overview of the phases of Atkinson’s PET-C model of therapy.

Presentation (RTC – MN, Feb. 2020) – These are the slides of Atkinson’s presentation during the advanced PET-C training for RTC in February, 2020.

Recalibrating Your Reaction – This worksheet guides clients through using triggering phrases from their partner to practice calming and shifting the client’s own reactivity to these.

Recalibration Protocol (I have a female partner) – This handout guides upset clients from a state of dysregulation to one of curiosity and preparedness to handle the conflict effectively.

Recalibration Protocol (I have a male partner) – This handout guides upset clients from a state of dysregulation to one of curiosity and preparedness to handle the conflict effectively.

Scripts and Psychoeducation:

Standing Up For Yourself – This is a summary of the skills required for standing up for yourself without blaming your partner.

Steps for Getting on the Same Page After a Frustrating Exchange (I have a female partner) – This handout provides concrete action steps for preparing for a follow-up conversation after an ineffective conflict.

Steps for Getting on the Same Page After a Frustrating Exchange (I have a male partner) – This handout provides concrete action steps for preparing for a follow-up conversation after an ineffective conflict.

Summary of Core Differences – This handout (from the end of Chapter 3 of the manual) succinctly summarizes the main core differences that can be the source of conflict for partners.

Summary of Skills Needed in a Disagreement (I have a female partner) – This chart summarizes the openness and flexibility skills and standing up skills from Atkinson’s workbook.

Summary of Skills Needed in a Disagreement (I have a male partner) – This chart summarizes the openness and flexibility skills and standing up skills from Atkinson’s workbook.

Ten Habits of Successful Intimate Partners – This document summarizes ten habits partners need in navigating conflict and building their emotional bond for successful intimacy and connection.

What’s Driving You? – This handout is a guide to help partners use skill #3 (identify underlying needs, values, and worries) by providing a list of basic emotional needs to consider. 

Workbook (full) – I Have a Female Partner – This is the full Atkinson workbook for clients wanting to learn what skills are needed for healthy conflict resolution and connection and how to implement these skills effectively.

Workbook (full) – I Have a Male Partner – This is the full Atkinson workbook for clients wanting to learn what skills are needed for healthy conflict resolution and connection and how to implement these skills effectively.

Borderline Personality Disorder

A BPD Brief – This document includes a 12 page manual explaining the diagnosis, origins and course of the disorder, and treatment.

Boundaries

Walls and Boundaries – This document defines the difference between walls and boundaries and gives examples of both in relationships.

What Are Personal Boundaries? – This handout identifies types of boundaries and degrees of boundary structure.  

Brainspotting

Fight, Flight, Freeze, & Fawn – This handout depicts the window of tolerance and how the common trauma reactions of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn can be identified by symptoms. 

Re-Activate the Trauma Impacted Brain – This collection of worksheets by Janina Fisher provides clients with opportunities to log their somatic reactions, daily experiences of trauma symptoms, and other triggers that lead to nervous system activation.

SUDS Scale – This handout depicts each number, 1-10 of the SUDS scale as well as a brief description of what each escalating number on the scale may represent in terms of intensity.

Symptoms of Undischarged Traumatic Stress – This graphic, by Peter Levine, compares a regulated nervous system to a dysregulated one and shows symptoms of the hypo and hyperarousal activation states.

Children/Kids

Boiling Pan – This worksheet uses the metaphor of a boiling pan to help kids recognize when their nervous systems are dysregulated and what coping skills they can use to calm down.

Creative Ways to Teach Deep Breathing to Kids – This handout by Kim Peterson describes different techniques to make deep breathing skills fun for kids.

Good Day/Bad Day Template – This worksheet provides an area to write or draw about a good day, a bad day, and what can make a bad day better.

Growing Happy Feelings – This handout helps children understand different people need different things to help them feel happy by comparing this dynamic to plants growing best in different soil and water conditions.

Spaghetti Body – This technique teaches progressive muscle relaxation in a manner accessible to kids y using the metaphor of wet spaghetti noodles.

Where Do I Feel? – This coloring sheet presents a figure of a human body and spaces to color in where in the body the child feels a variety of emotions (anger, sadness, fear, etc.)

Client Preferences

Client Preferences Questionnaire (Long) – This questionnaire assesses multiple areas of client preferences in therapy, such as homework frequency, amount of structure, and frequency of meeting.

Client Preferences Questionnaire (Short) – This questionnaire as an abbreviated version of the one above.

Ideas About Using the Client Preferences Questionnaire – This handout details how respecting client preferences improves outcomes in therapy.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive Distortions and Ways to Untwist Them – This handout provides a list of ten common cognitive distortions in addition to strategies for untwisting each one.

Cognitive Reframing – This detailed handout teaches clients how to effectively utilize the technique of reframing negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors

Putting Thoughts on Trial – This worksheet utilizes a court system, metaphor to guide clients through gathering evidence in support of and in opposition to their negative thought including a final verdict at the end.

Coloring Sheets

Swearing Coloring Sheets – This document includes seven pages of coloring pages arranged around a swear word.

“Asshole” Coloring Sheet – A coloring page with geometric patterns to color around the word “asshole.”

“Bullshit” Coloring Sheet – A coloring page of pretty designs to color around the word “bullshit.”

“Cockbag” Coloring Sheet – A coloring page of lovely flowers and patterns around the word “cockbag.”

“Dumbass” Coloring Sheet – A coloring page of swirls and designs around the word “dumbass.”

“Twat Waffle” Coloring Sheet – A coloring page of flowers and sunshine designs around the word “twat waffle.”

Commitment

36 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Having Kids – This handout provides a list of 36 open-ended questions to help partners identify and discuss their values, needs, and feelings related to having children.

Cost-Benefit Analysis of Your Relationship – This worksheet provides a list of 10 questions to help couples identify the positive and negative aspects of their relationship in making a decision of whether to break up or stay together.

Tasks of Couples’ Developmental Stages – This handout identifies each stage of development in a couple relationship and what primary tasks must be accomplished before moving on to the next stage

Communication

Coping with Relationship Problems – This chapter from “A Personal Guide to Coping” details five strategies for coping with the following relationship issues: providing support, improving intimacy, creating positive communication, improving problem-solving as a couple, and reducing negative thinking.

Communication Patterns Questionnaire – This assessment for couples looks at which communication patterns the partners tend to enact in their relationship. The assessment includes instructions for scoring.

Communication Tool: Assertive Communication and Boundary Setting with the DESO Script – This handout discusses the DESO (describe, express, specify, outcome) script and how to use it effectively in setting boundaries and navigating conflict.

Initiator Continuum – This handout from The Couples Clinic guides clients through recognizing their strengths and growth areas in initiating communication/conflict.

Inquirer Continuum – This handout from The Couples Clinic guides clients through recognizing their strengths and growth areas in terms of effective listening during communication/conflict.

Initiator/Inquirer Process – This handout from The Couples Clinic identifies the main tasks for the initiator and the inquirer during communication/conflict. 

LEAP Handout – This handout for couples teaches the LEAP (listen, empathize, affirm, perspective) approach to having a supportive conversation.

Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Communication – This worksheet from Therapist Aid teaches the difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive communication styles. An exercise is included to help clients practice recognizing these styles of communication.

Reflective Listening – This chapter from Neil Katz and Kevin McNulty defines reflective listening and breaks down how to effectively practice this skill in communication with others.

Repair Examples – This handout gives examples of ways to express yourself in a relational and assertive way during conflict.

Self-Assessment After a Fight or Tense Discussion – This worksheet from The Couples Institute is designed to be used by partners after conflict to assess themselves on how relational their behaviors were during the conflict.

Conflict (General – Not Gottman)

‘A Matter of Choice’ by Terry Real – This article by Terry Real delves into the saying “you can decide whether to be right or to be married” and, using clinical examples from his practice, he defines how to break patterns of conflict by learning how to overcome our knee-jerk reactions/triggers.

Conflict Resolution in Relationships – This handout from Therapist Aid gives several guidelines to focus on for resolving conflict within a couple relationship.

Coping with Relationship Problems – This chapter from “A Personal Guide to Coping” details five strategies for coping with the following relationship issues: providing support, improving intimacy, creating positive communication, improving problem-solving as a couple, and reducing negative thinking.

Fair Fighting Rules – This handout from Therapist Aid provides a list of rules to keep conflict feeling productive and equitable to all involved.

Holding Onto Yourself – This handout from David Schnarch gives clients basic guidelines for practicing differentiation in their couple relationships.

“I” Statements – This worksheet from Therapist Aid explains the difference between blaming statements and “I” statements and why making the change is important for relationships and connection with others. The worksheet provides clients with opportunities to practice rewriting blaming statements into “I” statements. 

Repair Examples – This handout gives examples of ways to express yourself in a relational and assertive way during conflict.

Repair in Intimate Relationships – This article from Paul David defines repair in relationships and gives examples of different kinds of repairs partners may make with each other. 

Self-Assessment After a Fight or Tense Discussion – This worksheet from The Couples Institute is designed to be used by partners after conflict to assess themselves on how relational their behaviors were during the conflict.

The Revised Conflict Tactics Scales (CTS2): Development and Preliminary Psychometric Data – This article from the Journal of Family Issues describes the revised Conflict Tactics Scales, which measures attacks, negotiation, and coercion used by partners in conflict. 

Treating High Conflict Couples – This chapter by Susan Heitler outlines her process for treating high conflict couples, from the session set up and diagnosis to carrying out a treatment plan. 

Core Beliefs

Core Hurts – This article defines “core hurts” guides readers in identifying and healing core hurts.

Johari Window and Group Therapy – This chapter describes how to use the Johari Window for self-discovery.

Seeing the Unseen in Your Life – This article by Bill Abbate explores adult development theory and subject-object theory as means to better understand oneself.

Shadow Self Workbook – This workbook provides journaling prompt exercises for getting to know the subconscious parts of the self that often drive our behavior.

The Iceberg – Discovering Your True Self – This e-book, written by therapist Don Carter, delves into theories connected to self-discovery, such as Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Attachment Theory.

What are Core Beliefs? – This handout from Therapist Aid defines core beliefs and gives examples of common core beliefs.

Cycles and Patterns

Imago Worksheet Part One – This worksheet guides clients in identifying the traits of their childhood caretakers (to be used in an exercise to compare childhood experiences to adult perceptions and behaviors in couple relationships).

Imago Worksheet Part Two – This worksheet (to be completed in session after the first worksheet has been done) guides clients in identifying the similarities between their childhood experiences of love and care with their adult experiences of love and care.

Love/Sex Addiction & Avoidance – This handout compares the behaviors, attractions, and feelings of those who struggle with love/sex addiction and love/sex avoidance.

Negative Infinity Loop – This handout shows the negative infinity loop of triggers and reactions in relationships. It also shows how the loop is transformed by various interventions.

Negative Infinity Loop Breakdown – This worksheet breaks down each element of the negative infinity loop, allowing clients to define their triggers/allergies, beliefs, and opportunities for breaking the cycle.

Tasks of Couples’ Developmental Stages – This handout from The Couples Clinic defines each stage of development in a couple relationship and identifies the major tasks needed for growth in each stage.

Deliberate Practice Mastery Grit

Are You a Psychologically Wise Parent? – This handout provides a checklist of statements for parents to assess the support and warmth with which they engage their children.

Grit: the Power of Passion and Perseverance – This handout from Angela Duckworth includes her Grit Scale and several images related to assessing grit. This handout is to accompany the Grit Audio.

Depression

Challenging Negative Thoughts – This worksheet from Therapist Aid provides several questions guiding clients through challenging their negative thoughts.

Identify and Schedule Pleasant Activities (Therapist Version) – This worksheet for therapists provides guidance for helping clients identify different types of pleasant activities (social and individual) and why they are pleasant. 

Identify and Schedule Pleasant Activities (Client Version) – This worksheet guides clients to identify different types of pleasant activities (social and individual) and why they are pleasant. 

Positive Thoughts and View (Therapist Version) – This worksheet for therapists provides guidance for helping clients identify positive thoughts about self, the world, and the future. It includes exercises to improve the frequency of these positive thoughts.

Positive Thoughts and View (Client Version) – This worksheet for clients helps them identify positive thoughts about self, the world, and the future. It includes exercises to improve the frequency of these positive thoughts.

Negative Thoughts Trigger Negative Feelings – This worksheet guides users through identifying negative thoughts and cognitive distortions that contribute to depression. The worksheet also includes ways to replace these negative thoughts and feelings with positive self-talk.

Stressful Thinking: Distorted Thinking Styles That Increase Stress – This handout identifies types of distorted thinking and ways of challenging them.

Differentiation

Differentiation for Couples – This handout provides information about how differentiation of self looks in life and in relationships.

Holding Onto Yourself – This handout from David Schnarch names the skills required for differentiation in relationships and provides guidance on developing these skills.

Reflected Sense of Self VS Solid Sense of Self – This handout explores the differences between reflected sense of self from a partner and a solid sense of self that does not depend on a partner’s validation.

Reflected Self: Exercise for Clients – This is an exercise for clients to examine and dissect the ways their negative reactions to their partner are due to a reflected sense of self.

EFT Worksheets and Brief Psychoeducation

EFT Book Notes – This is an outline of EFT concepts and interventions.

EFT Intervention Summary – This is a list of the interventions used in Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Emotions

Bodily Maps of Emotions – This scholarly article discusses emotions being felt as sensation within the body and provides images of where emotions tend to be felt within the body.

Colorful Feelings Wheel – This handout provides a way to identify the emotion one is feeling and potentially what deeper emotions are underneath it.

Feeling Word List with Scaling Intensity – This handout provides a list of core emotions and names for escalating intensity of feeling for each.

List of Core Emotions – This handout from Brene Brown provides a list of core emotions.

“The Iceberg” Discovering your True Self – This article guides readers through identifying emotional wounds and how these are connected to the instinct for survival and motivation.

Experiential Worksheets

Barnyard Noises – This exercise, aimed at having fun and communicating in a different way, instructs partners to take turns guiding each other to a location by making barnyard noises.

5 Compliments (Fondness and Admiration) – This exercise guides partners to share five sincere compliments with each other and report on how receiving each one makes them feel.

Compiling and Expressing Fondness and Admiration – This is an exercise that can be done inside or outside session to help partners express compliments to each other in creative ways.

Compiling and Expressing Fondness and Admiration (Feedback Version) – This is a similar exercise to the one above but this worksheet includes a prompt for the partner receiving the compliment to give feedback to the compliment giver.

Eye-Gazing Exercise (Fondness and Admiration) – This exercise guides clients to gaze into each other’s eyes for 2 minutes and consider a scenario to prompt memories of fondness and warm feelings about each other. The couple is then guided to discuss what memories they thought of and how they felt during the exercise.

Getting Unstuck in Therapy – This exercise guides partners who are at an impasse in couples therapy to answer a series of questions assessing the different elements of their stuckness, including their motivation for change, their beliefs about their contribution to the problem, and the blocks that prevent them from making changes.

Keep Me Safe – This exercise guides partners to guide one partner (whose eyes are closed) to a new location using vocal feedback only. This exercise aims to build trust and safety.

Love Maps – 36 Questions to Connect – This is a list of 36 questions aimed at helping partners get to know each other on a deeper level.

Paper Tower Exercise – This exercise, to be done in session, guides the therapist to instruct clients to build a tower together out of paper and other materials while the therapist observes their interactions and prepares feedback for them at the end of the exercise. The purpose of this exercise is to help couples understand turning towards vs turning away and accepting influence from each other.

Whiteboard Exercise – Working with the 4 Horsemen – This exercise instructs partners to write positive aspects of their partner on a whiteboard while they are having a conflict. the goal of the exercise is to help couples hold space for the positive even while they are experiencing the negative.

Your Funeral – Focusing on What Matters – This exercise guides clients to imagine being at their partner’s funeral and to answer questions about what it is like to have lost their partner, what they will miss most about them, etc.

Gottman Worksheets and Visuals

Visuals:

Principle 1: Build Love Maps